It’s a tale as old as time: you want to sext, but your partner’s not in the mood—again. What does this mean for your relationship? The truth is that no two partners have the same sexual desires, turn-ons, and turn-offs. Every part of sex is a negotiation, but you still have to respect your partner’s wishes. Here are some things you can do to give yourself the best chance of getting to sext and what to do if your partner is ultimately not into it.
Check Your Technique
Sometimes the way you ask can be enough to get an immediate “no” from your partner. For example, if you always open the conversation while they are at work, they may be too busy or stressed to feel very sexy. Try asking at different times in case timing is an issue.
Also, ensure that you’re asking rather than demanding. No one likes to feel pressured—especially about sex stuff. Imagine you and your partner are newly dating and begin to flirt with them over text, rather than simply telling them once again to send nudes.
If you rely on your partner to come up with sexy ideas all the time, change that, too. Sending someone a text that asks for a sexy story puts all the creative work on their shoulders.
Vary the Topic
Do you always go through the same fantasy when you’re sexting? If so, this could be the reason your partner isn’t into it. Perhaps they aren’t into the same threesome fantasy that you are, and they would like to explore something kinkier. Or, maybe they are bored by the routine. Try to vary what you sext about to help them stay interested in the conversation.
Send Sexier Sexts
If the pictures and videos you take aren’t very exciting, it’s time to change that. Don’t just send yet another photo of yourself naked. Instead, switch things up a bit. Try showing less, as it may add to the anticipation. Vary your expressions and activities. And, listen to the pros. This professional sexter gives some excellent tips on how framing your shot better can make your sexts sexier.
When You Hear a “No”
If you and your partner have had a conversation about sexting where they have said they are simply not into it, then you shouldn’t keep asking. If they have told you something along the lines of “I’ve tried sexting, and I’m just not into it,” no amount of skill and charisma is going to change their mind. Rather, it will make them feel resentful that you didn’t take them at their word.
Determine How Important Sexting Is to You
When your partner says no to sexting, it can feel like a rejection, but it doesn’t have to be a big deal. It’s important for your own mental health that you try not to take it personally. If you try to take it in stride, you have less chance of starting a fight. And fights rarely lead to sex—unless it’s makeup sex.
On the other hand, sexting may be a deal-breaker for you, meaning that if you can’t sext, you may no longer want to be in the relationship anymore. If this is the case, you’ll need to voice this to your partner.
Perhaps your partner would be okay with you sexting other people so that you both can get your needs met. Having an open relationship (while maintaining sexual boundaries) has been a lifeline for many couples with sometimes seemingly incompatible sexual drives and desires. Keep in mind that even if your partner has given you the freedom to sext other people, they probably have some parameters that they’d like you to follow. They may not be comfortable with you sexting someone you know, so be sure to ask before you get into trouble.
How to Find Someone to Sext With
Don’t forget to protect yourself even if you’re having virtual sex. You might not need to wear a condom or other barrier, but you’ll have to take some precautions to protect your privacy. For instance, find a site that verifies the users’ ages and identities before getting started. Lastly, only send non-identifying content. Following these tips will keep your sexting encounters fun and carefree!